There are countless ways to talk with your children about important issues. As for choosing the “right” way, well, that will sometimes depend on individual circumstances. Keep this in mind as you approach conversations about racial issues. Sure, there are challenges when discussing such topics but do not postpone this duty. By the time your children are six months old, they can notice racial differences. It’s been shown that some four-year-olds are already displaying race bias.

The goal is not “color blindness.” You want your children to recognize differences. The key is being open to talking about what those differences mean and what they don’t mean.

5 Ways to Talk to Your Children About Racial Issues

1. Educate Yourself

This is the foundational step. Learn the facts, learn about history, and stay in touch with new developments. If you don’t live in a diverse area, go out of your way to expose yourselves to museums, films, and other cultural opportunities. Share inspirational stories with your children but don’t go over the top with sharing information. You want to avoid making them feel like they’re in school or under pressure.

Also, in your journey of self-education, you may face complicated questions from your children. If you’re not sure about the answer, tell them. Be a role model by doing more work and then coming back to the discussion.

2. Be Age-Appropriate

• Preschool: Use simple lessons like right vs. wrong and fair vs. unfair.
• School-Age: Give them examples they can relate to and, over time, apply those examples to society at large. Focus on basic emotions like empathy and compassion — encouraging them to think big when contemplating them.
• Adolescents and Teens: This is where you can speak directly to real-life experiences. All across the globe, older kids will find themselves in situations where they have to make moral choices. You are in an excellent position to guide and support them.

3. Lead By Example

Children of all ages watch their parents closely. It’s one thing to talk about racial justice. The truth lies in your behavior. Empower your kids by giving them the opportunity to watch you in action. When you refuse to be a bystander, it not only speaks volumes but will inspire many more questions and conversations.

4. Welcome and Ask Questions

Never, ever shut down a question or a line of thinking. Developing a perspective on racial issues requires a fair amount of trial and error. A child cannot process nuanced issues without asking lots of questions and taking a few missteps.

In turn, be sure that you ask lots of questions, too. Ask your child for their thoughts and opinions on stories in the news or incidents at their school. Give them space to answer and use that as a launching pad for more conversations. If you settle on a topic that is unfamiliar to both of you, research together to learn more.

5. Make the Conversations a Regular Thing

Racial issues are not about a one-time conversation. Like all important aspects of being human, it is a process without a finish line. Find ways to keep the discussions going and make it crystal clear that your kids can come to you — anytime — with questions, ideas, and concerns.

What If You Don’t Know How to Start This Work?

Short answer: It’s normal. No one should be expected to have all the answers. The keys are intention and motivation. If you find yourself struggling and feeling unable to reach your children, it could be very helpful to get some guidance. Working with a therapist is a proven path toward more confidence and better communication. Let’s connect and talk soon about how child therapy or teen counseling can help.

Anxiety is very common in autism. Perhaps as many as 4 in 10 people with autism spectrum disorder struggle with high levels of anxiety. This reality further increases the challenges of interacting with the world. But why does it happen?

It remains unclear whether anxiety is part of autism itself. Observational evidence confirms that people with autism often display anxiety. This is true even when they are in a familiar setting. So, anxiety may be baked in or it could be a somewhat inevitable outcome of navigating daily life as a person on the spectrum.

What Increases Anxiety in People With Autism?

Social Norms

Human interactions are very nuanced. Plus, they can differ depending on the setting, timing, and location. People on the autism spectrum may feel steady anxiety when trying to gauge their place in all of this. This reality can create more anxiety due to fear of bullying.

Beyond Words

We each use more than words to communicate. For someone with autism, body language, tone of voice, sarcasm, and metaphor might be confusing or even invisible. Imagine the stress of not knowing if you’re truly grasping what’s being communicated around you.

Over-Stimulation

Some of the aspects of “normal” everyday life can be a source of anxiety for people with autism. For example:

• Crowds of people
• Flashing or bright lights
• Loud and/or unpredictable sounds

Fending off such sensory assaults can also be anxiety-inducing.

Common Symptoms of Anxiety in People With Autism

The symptoms of autism and the symptoms of anxiety intersect. This makes it even more difficult to pinpoint cause and effect. For now, consider the following signs to be where both conditions dovetail:

• Sticking to a routine even when it no longer makes sense
• Rocking
• Appearing frightened without an obvious cause
• Sweating, shaking, trembling, and pacing
• Repeating oneself in language or actions
• Wanting to stay home alone and avoid social interactions
• Covering your ears or eyes in an attempt to shut out the source of anxiety

Autism and anxiety evoke a “what came first?” type of situation. But you don’t need to have scientific certainty to be of help. If someone you know with autism is displaying increased anxiety, there are some basic ways to help them become calmer.

4 Ways To Begin Calming Anxiety In Those With Autism

1. Remove the Trigger

First and foremost, if you can remove the source of their anxiety, it will begin the calming process. Take another look at the list of causes above. Keep this in mind for those times when you make need to leave an over-stimulating situation or location or ask if something like lights or noises can be reduced or turned off.

2. Plan in Advance

This is a two-part effort. Firstly, do your homework. Learn more about autism and learn more about the specifics of the person in question. From there, you shift into part two. You do your best to identify in advance any potential triggers you may encounter. Having something like sunglasses on hand to block out bright lights can be a game-changer.

3. Share What You’ve Learned

As you do your research, talk with the person with autism to help guide them. Empower them with the same knowledge you have. This can allow them to be in control of their own needs.

4. Be Especially Aware With Children

If you have a child on the autism spectrum, become familiar with concepts like deep pressure, fidget toys, sensory toolboxes, safe spaces, and more.

It can be quite useful for you to meet with a therapist to talk about all of the above. You can air out your fears and concerns while learning more about being sensitive and helpful. Child therapy can help you learn how to help them, reach out to us to begin.

If you’re not a target of racism, you have the privilege of not talking about it. Choosing this path, however, is a pretty clear way to maintain the status quo. This is why it can be so important for you to start the conversation with your children. Sure, some topics are difficult but that’s never a reason to avoid them. If your child was concerned about drugs or bullying, you’d certainly step up and help.

Children are not oblivious to race and racism. Babies as young as six months can notice physical differences, e.g. skin color. Translation: It’s never too early to lead by example.

How to Prepare Yourself for The Discussions

Be Wary of Social Media and News Stories

The aim of these outlets — like any other business — is to maximize profit. This means certain perspectives and angles can be emphasized in the name of increasing their audience. Train yourself to discern such trends. Also, take news breaks to give yourself time to digest and process.

Take Stock in What You Think

What are your beliefs, values, and possible blind spots on a topic like race? Before serving as a message or mentor, get a handle on where you are in this particular journey.

Be Willing to Learn and Grow

Consult with a broad range of sources. Commit to an ongoing path of learning. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know something. This gives you the chance to be a role model when you remedy that situation.

How To Start The Conversation With Children About Racial Issues

Obviously, every single conversation will be different. There are too many variables to address here but we will focus on a big one: age. To follow are some age-based suggestions to get things started.

Under 5 Years of Age

By the time they’re five, your children may unknowingly behave in a way that demonstrates their awareness of racial differences. They may openly comment on traits like skin color. This is a golden opportunity to begin a simple but necessary conversation.

• Don’t silence them or create any stigma
• Encourage their questions
• Celebrate differences openly
• Relate any discussion of discrimination to the child’s concept of fair and unfair

Under 12 Years of Age

Suddenly, your child is forming far more complex questions and opinions. At the same time, they are being exposed to an extremely wide scope of content. Stay connected with them about what they are seeing and how it makes them feel. Embrace the chance to read what they’re reading and watch what they’re watching. This will allow you to ask them some specific questions.

Children in this age group can understand concepts like stereotypes. Introduce such conversations when they watch a movie or read a book. Most importantly, be very open. Let them know you can be trusted to handle challenging questions. Also, as they begin to enter the world of social media, do your best to monitor how this impacts them.

12 and Older

As the teenage years hit, you may have to be more creative in getting your kids to sit down and discuss deep topics. You can start this process by staying aware of what they currently know when it comes to race, racism, discrimination, etc. Get to know their friends and see what their mindsets are like. Teenagers are often excited to try activism. Make yourself available to discuss these efforts and participate with them when it feels appropriate.

Keep Checking on Yourself

Times change quickly. If you feel a little lost and unable to keep up, it could help immensely to have someone to talk with. Child therapy is an ideal venue to assist you on this tricky journey, reach out to us so we can talk about how we can help you.

It’s true, children are not adults. For the most part, they do not have to deal with any financial stress, job stress, or relationship stress. However, children do have their own battles to face every day, some that you may not know about.

School is hard. Other children are mean. A pandemic is exhausting.

It is normal for children to have moments of sadness or be in a bad mood. Consider it a red flag if this sadness persists for more than two weeks.

It’s okay if you do not know exactly what the signs of depression are in children. It is not okay, though, to ignore them. You’re doing the right thing by seeking help. Depression generally does not go away on its own.

Seeking depression treatment for your child is the best thing you can do for them if you do notice the signs. Here are five indicators that reveal your child may need some help with depression.

1. Sadness or Irritability

You may notice that your child has been in a “bad mood” for weeks. They don’t need to be crying constantly or completely sullen, though those reactions wouldn’t be unusual.

Keep an eye out for any type of persistent mood disruption. Depression can make a child cry very easily, have tantrums, or become short-tempered. If you notice this behavior going on for more than two weeks, consider that your child needs support to identify and resolve low moods.

2. They Are Their Own Critic

Children with depression tend to experience low self-esteem and feel down about themselves. You may notice them complaining about their lacking performance, mistakes, or missteps when things go wrong. For example, they could lose at a simple board game with friends and criticize themselves and value to others with a statement things like “I’m such a loser.” Depressed kids tend to let one moment or interaction define themselves.

Also, you may notice that your child gives up too easily on things that are difficult for them. They do not have faith in themselves to accomplish much, so they simply refuse to try. If you catch your child saying more self-critical things than good things about themselves. This is an indicator that depression may be the underlying cause.

3. Fun is No Longer a Factor

If your fun-loving child no longer wants to play and seek adventure, something is wrong. Loss of pleasure is a very common indicator of depression. Seeing this occur in a child can be quite dramatic.

Your child may want to just stay in their room and not want to come out.  Hobbies and sports they used to love may no longer interest them. If your child does not find the motivation for fun, it may mean it’s time to address their solemn mood with a therapist.

4. Changes in Eating and Sleeping

Depression can drain anyone Your child may appear tired much of the time, even if they have plenty of sleep. Other times, your child may have trouble falling asleep or wake up in the middle of the night.

Also, your child develops food issues. Depression can play out as picky eating or overeating. It’s important to encourage your child to eat healthy foods rather than sweets or junk food for comfort. You don’t want to create any food addictions or health problems down the road.5. Body Aches and Feeling Sick

While depression comes with many mental health issues, the physical health of your child can pay the price too. Your child may complain of a lot of headaches or stomaches. They may resist going to school even though they are not technically not sick.

 Take the Next Step Now

If you notice these indicators of depression, it is wise to speak to an experienced professional about it right away. Ignoring these signs of trouble will likely exacerbate these symptoms over time. Your child needs help and ways to cope. Please consider support for you, your child, and your family on our child therapy page and contact us soon for support.