Does your relationship “get by” or does it warm your heart?
You’ve been bombarded with the fantasy of “Happily Ever After” all your life; books and movies portray finding your “One True Love” as if it is the end of the story. Maintaining and deepening a relationship is supposed to be easy and natural, or at least that’s the way the story goes. It’s not that way for you or any of your friends. You wonder if it is a fantasy or if there is a way to create a deep, lifelong connection.
Our Relationship Connection Affects Our Mood
When you’re feeling deeply connected, life is good. During those times, both of you agree you would like more of those times, but neither of you knows how to make that happen.
When your relationship hits a low point, fear raises its ugly head. The fear that this disagreement will be the beginning of the end. Fear that you’ll have to begin all over again. After a while, you realize that the way you think changes when you’re afraid.
You want your loving relationship to last a lifetime, but sometimes it seems to go astray and when that happens, you’re never sure whether it will get back on track. You’re not sure what makes it get off track or how to get it back on track. Life would be easier for you if you spent more time on track and less time with things not going well. But mostly you want to be sure you’ll be able to get back on track when you’re not on the same wavelength.
When You Just Can’t Talk About It
You want to be able to be yourself, open and free, when you’re with your partner.
But there are topics that are difficult to talk about. These topics seem like landmines you must navigate around during every conversation, so you’re always on edge. These conversational landmines prevent you from feeling free to be fully yourself. When you have to hide parts of yourself, your relationship doesn’t feel intimate or as fulfilling as you want it to be.
Even if you can’t name any specific evidence of your disconnection, you can feel the separation between you.
You want to be available to your partner when they need you and you want them to come to you for comfort when they need it. You want the same in return. When these periods of feeling disconnected happen, you don’t seek comfort in one another. When you’re also hurting, you may not even want to comfort them.
When it gets like this, it almost feels like your relationship has a splinter that keeps getting jammed in deeper, hurting both of you and your connection with one another. This isn’t the type of relationship you want. You want a deeper connection. You want to feel confident and secure about your relationship and you want your partner to feel that way, too.
Deep, Authentic Communication Can Be Learned
The way learning good communication skills can improve a relationship is pretty amazing.
Most people don’t have a lot of role models for creating or maintaining healthy, emotionally intimate relationships. Television deliberately creates drama, which makes good entertainment but horrible relationship advice. If your parents weren’t good role models, or they did all their work behind the scenes and made it look easier than it was, the skills you need to create a deep and lasting connection with your partner wouldn’t develop naturally.
That doesn’t mean you can’t build the relationship you want—it just means that you’ll have to learn how to do it. Building it together often builds deep intimacy. Whenever we work together toward a common goal, the shared experiences deepen the relationship.
With the guidance of an expert, you can deepen your connection with your partner. You can even learn to recognize the signs that something is going to disturb the harmony you’ve created and make slight corrections that help you get back on track long before it gets to the point where either of you feels completely disconnected.
Giving your communication and relationship skills a boost enhances your connection with one another in ways it is difficult to imagine during times when good communication feels difficult. If you’re ready to see how good your relationship can be, reach out to us today.