Have You And Your Partner Lost The Spark?

  • Are you both so busy that your relationship is suffering?
  • Do you feel disconnected and distant from your partner?
  • Does your relationship lack the intimacy you once shared?
  • Has constant fighting led you to consider separating? 

Maybe you feel like you and your partner never have time for one another anymore. Between juggling work, raising children, running errands, and taking care of other obligations, you hardly have a moment for romance. Perhaps most of your conversations revolve around managing your household responsibilities, and you can’t even remember your last date night. 

Or maybe the two of you have been fighting so frequently that barely a day goes by without an argument. This isn’t the future you imagined, and you know that you can’t go on like this. Petty bickering often leads to shouting and yelling. Eventually, you make up. But soon enough, the cycle starts again. 

On the other hand, perhaps you’re struggling to deal with the fallout after infidelity or another type of betrayal. You may still love your partner, but you fear that you can never rebuild the trust you once shared. There may be a growing sense of resentment between you, and you might wonder if separation and divorce is your only option. 

Or what if you can’t quite put your finger on the root of the problem, but for some reason, you feel a growing distance in your relationship? Maybe there’s a lack of affection, or perhaps you feel unappreciated. And you long to recapture the honeymoon feeling you once shared. 

You don’t have to settle for an unfulfilling relationship or part ways. Working with a couples therapist can help you learn to communicate, address conflicts, and truly enjoy one another again. Through couples therapy, you can rekindle your love and rebuild your connection to create a happier future together.  

Every Couple Goes Through Rough Patches

Even the happiest of couples have their challenges. Some couples struggle to manage their finances together, while others deal with tough times as they adjust to the demands of parenthood. Partners might have trouble getting along with each others’ families, communicating their needs honestly, or making big decisions about their future. Plus, trying to repair a relationship after infidelity or other betrayals can also be emotionally taxing. 

Why do some of these problems arise? 

Many people form their beliefs around love and romance based on unrealistic portrayals of relationships. They worry that if they don’t feel the way they did when they met their partner, something is wrong, but they forget that relationships naturally change over time. And some assume that their partner should meet all of their emotional needs, putting too much pressure on one person.

Others never witnessed healthy relationships in their own families, so they emulate harmful behaviors that were normalized in their youth. If they’ve learned as a child that conflict is handled by shouting and slamming doors, they might repeat these patterns in their own adult relationships, inevitably leading to marriage problems. 

Furthermore, it can be hard for some to settle down after experiencing the whirlwind flings that are common in the dating scene. After a series of short-term relationships, making a lifelong marriage commitment can seem difficult, and looking outside of the marriage for emotional or physical satisfaction becomes tempting. 

Fortunately, couples therapy can help you and your partner bridge the divide that might be growing. A couples therapist can support you and your partner as you work to improve your communication skills, develop a strong foundation of trust, and cultivate deeper intimacy.

Couples Therapy Can Help You Rediscover Your Love for Each Other

Some couples are hesitant to seek therapy because they worry that admitting that they need help is a sign of failure. Or they might be concerned that therapy sessions will involve one partner trying to “fix” the other. 

But starting couples therapy doesn’t mean that your relationship is unsalvageable—instead, it’s an opportunity to remedy the issues that have come between you. Rather than pointing fingers in blame, your therapist will help you address mutual problems together and heal as individuals and as a couple.

To begin this healing journey as a couple, your therapist will create a safe, neutral environment where they can provide an objective perspective on the problems that you and your partner have been facing. By facilitating tough conversations while supporting you both in your goals, they can help you navigate emotional wounds, understand each others’ perspectives, and unpack patterns that you’ve picked up in previous relationships. 

Your counselor will work with you and your partner to tailor their approach, considering the individual needs of both of you, as well as your needs as a couple. Together, you will collaborate to come up with a plan that accounts for your time, your goals as a couple, your resources, and what kind of support you need. Our therapists value transparency, and they will take the time to explain why they recommend certain therapeutic approaches. 

In couples therapy sessions, you will both learn valuable self-reflection skills to help you assess your own behavior towards your partner, understand where your beliefs about love and relationships come from, and communicate your needs and boundaries. You’ll also work on conflict resolution skills and communication techniques that will allow you to work through disagreements without resorting to fighting.

Our therapists utilize various modalities in couples therapy. For example, the Gottman method can help couples address habits like criticism and stonewalling in their relationships, guiding them to explore their prominent disagreements and their common values. Through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, couples can examine their beliefs about each other and their relationship in general while processing underlying anxieties. Emotion-focused therapy presents the opportunity to delve into unmet needs. And couples who know exactly what they need to fix and why may benefit from solution-focused therapy. 

To book an appointment, we invite you to use the scheduling tool on our website. If you have questions about availability, you can get in touch with our administrators through our contact form to find a suitable opening. We will then match you to the counselor who best fits you based on your needs, their specialty, your location, and whether or not you’d prefer in-person or virtual sessions.

At our fast-growing practice, we provide counseling services to people from a wide range of backgrounds. With the help of one of our therapists, you and your partner can re-discover the emotional or physical closeness that you thought you had lost.

But you may still have questions about couples therapy…

What if my partner isn’t interested in attending couples therapy?

Couples therapy sessions require both partners to be in attendance. If your partner has shown a lack of interest in couples therapy, you may want to ask about their concerns, address any misconceptions they have, and explain how you hope your relationship can improve through therapy. 

However, it is important to note that if you feel unsafe in your relationship, couples therapy is not a solution. In that case, seeking individual therapy with a professional who can help you decide what course you want or need to take in your relationship is appropriate.

Will we only focus on our problems during sessions?

While we will talk about the challenges that have brought you to therapy, dwelling on the problems in your relationship is not the purpose of couples therapy. Our focus will be to explore the strengths that each of you brings to your relationship, discuss the positive aspects of your partnership, and go over possible solutions that will bring you closer together. 

What if our relationship can’t be saved?

You may be worried that attending couples therapy will be the first step on the road to separation. If separating is truly the best choice for both of you, therapy can help you gain clarity on this major decision. Alternatively, you and your partner may walk into your first session assuming that your relationship is beyond salvaging, only to make strides over subsequent sessions and realize that the problems you were facing are quite fixable after all. 

Restoring Your Romantic Connection Is Possible

If you and your partner are ready to work together to heal your relationship, we encourage you to reach out through our Contact page with any questions you may have about couples therapy at our practice. And if you’re ready to schedule your first session, you can book an appointment at one of our Minnesota locations in Edina, Plymouth, St. Cloud, or St. Louis Park through our scheduling page.

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couple having a discussion

Why You Should Listen First, Without Immediately Trying to Resolve An Issue

It’s a very common scenario for couples. One of you is struggling with a problem, so you share the details with your partner. Let’s say you’re the partner hearing about the issue. You feel sympathy and concern.

photo of a couple standing outside near trees while holding hands

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Each of us has an attachment style. How we connect with others as an adult has a whole lot to do with what happened during our childhood.