Healthy Communication Skills for Couples

If you had to point to one topic as being the biggest relationship issue, communication is the logical choice. Being a couple is complicated, but the foundational part of making it work is healthy communication. To connect as soul mates, you must first connect. This requires ongoing, hard work. It involves a willingness to listen, grow, and be vulnerable. All of this (and more), needless to say, is easier said than done.

Every couple will have problems, but not every couple will have healthy communication skills. To make that happen, both partners must diligently commit to the ongoing work of practicing healthy communication.

The Uniqueness of Each Individual and Each Couple

Every individual deserves validation. You may be able to finish each other’s sentences but do you respect each other’s independence? Just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should march in unison. The first step is maintaining love and respect —even in your differences. Please keep this in mind as you peruse the skills discussed below.

4 Healthy Communication Skills for Couples

1. Presence

The poet Mary Oliver said paying attention is “our endless and proper work.” To live up to this standard we need to aim our true focus on each other. Translation: put away your devices. Make eye contact. Check your body language. Demonstrate to your partner, through word and deed, that you are truly present. Unless and until you both make this pledge, you’ll encounter many bumps in the road.

2. Awareness

The more deeply you know someone, the easier it is to read the room. Not every time is a good time for a conversation. When bringing up a contentious topic, remember that a relationship isn’t just about your needs. It may feel urgent to you but that doesn’t automatically mean your partner can drop everything and participate. Through practice, commitment, and experience, you can both improve your self-awareness and compassion. Speaking of compassion…

3. Compassion

Ideally, we would all practice patience and kindness when communicating with anyone. As you work toward that goal, let things begin with your partner. Never forget that you are interacting with the love of your life. This means you must:

• Listen carefully
• Process their point with curiosity and patience
• Never assume you know what they’re going to say
• Ask questions if you’re not sure about their point
• Respond from a place of love — even in times of deep disagreement
• Give yourself and your partner time and space if necessary

In addition, do not turn conversations into contests. The goal is never about winning. When communicating with your significant other, the goals should be clear understanding and healthy resolution. If your partner is involved, it’s not a competition. Behave accordingly.

4. Humility

This might be the toughest task during a heated conversation but check your ego. If your intentions are consciously or unconsciously designed to serve your pride, you will have conflict. An excellent way to get started on this part of the journey is to ditch “you” statements. In other words, state your feelings in sentences that begin with “I.”

“I feel neglected” is far easier to hear than “You neglect me.” While you’re at it, be careful to avoid using terms that cut off discussion. For example, “never” and “always” are more accusatory than conversational.

To Repeat: This is Easier Said Than Done

Relationships are complex. Some aspects can be healthy while others border on toxic. The bridge from confusion to cohesion is built via communication. How you talk about counterproductive patterns can decide whether such patterns take root or get nipped in the bud. With the help of an unbiased guide, you can right your ship and experience smooth sailing. Let’s talk soon.  Schedule an appointment for couples therapy today and we can help you work on developing healthy communication skills.