How to Communicate With an ADHD Partner

Communication is an ongoing challenge in every relationship. Just because two people are in love doesn’t mean they’ll always be in sync in terms of their interactions. Communication is also an ongoing challenge for anyone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Therefore, when you combine the two, the misunderstandings and conflicts can multiply. But this does not have to be the case.

With support from an experienced couples counselor, both partners can learn how to commit to the process and negotiate issues that at first seem daunting. ADHD and its symptoms must be factored into the equation, but the specifics can be addressed and effectively managed.

A Few Factors to Consider When Communicating With an ADHD Partner

ADHD Symptoms Can Be Preempted

People with ADHD often struggle with the typical give-and-take of couples’ discussions. ADHD can lead you to interrupt others, struggle to stay on topic, and dominate conversations with non-stop talking. Rather than reacting each time your partner does any of these things, discuss them in advance. The ADHD partner can practice becoming a stellar question-asker as a method of ensuring balance. In group settings, couples can also develop personal signals to alert each other if they need to slow down and regroup.

Be Open About Your Needs

The person without ADHD may become frustrated when their partner appears to be zoning out or forgetting the point they were trying to make. Rather, how about creating some workable steps that can keep things flowing healthily? There’s no rule for writing down some notes before a vital chat (or any chat). Also, either one of you can initiate a recap break. Before moving deeper into a potentially confusing conversation, take a minute to recap what each of you has said already. To be radically honest, this would be an excellent addition to any discussion.

Work on Emotional Regulation

There is a known association between ADHD and struggles with emotional regulation. Therefore, it’s not helpful to assume that someone with ADHD will magically erase this tendency just because they’ve entered into a relationship. What you’ll want to do is urge the ADHD partner to directly address this area in their therapy sessions. If you do couples counseling together, it can also be the focus there. In the meantime, get in the habit of taking breaks from conversations that appear to be becoming volatile.

Resist Any Type of Parent-Child Dynamic

Since someone with ADHD is more likely to neglect chores and struggle with staying organized, their neurotypical partner may start behaving like a partner. This is counterproductive for many reasons, and it can shift the dominant dynamic into something that’s not conducive to a romantic relationship. So, catch yourselves when situations turn into scolding and blaming. Instead, use that time and energy to collaborate on new approaches to make sure that one partner isn’t carrying too much of a domestic load while the other partner feels infantilized.

Couples Counseling Can Create Positive Momentum

The factors outlined above require a significant level of awareness and self-awareness. It’s key that both partners cultivate discernment with equal fervor. Resist blame and instead, take things to a deeper level to reimagine your communication styles. Of course, all of this is easier said than done.

This is where therapy becomes a crucial option. In particular, couples counseling is a proven path for enriching the interpersonal connection between partners. Healthy communication — whether ADHD is present or not — is an ever-ending process. In the presence of an unbiased guide, you can begin to identify the patterns and habits that are sabotaging you. In that therapy room, you can rise above issues to become patient problem-solvers and creative communicators. Let’s talk about this soon!