Life changes are inevitable. Monumental changes are often called “life transitions.” These can happen throughout our lives and they cover a lot of ground. From marriages to divorces, births, deaths, and beyond — big changes will occur and challenge you. Yes, they can be exciting and perhaps even something we’ve prayed for, but they will still cause stress.

Life transitions uproot us in multiple ways. They also impact the people in our lives. They push us out of routines and rhythms and teach us new skills. Fortunately, since everyone deals with such changes, there are useful road maps for navigating the upheaval.

5 Ways to Cope With Life Transitions

1. Never Downplay the Impact

The first giant step is to accept that you’re experiencing transition-related stress. There’s no shame in struggling when going through something like the loss of a loved one, a relocation, or retirement (to name but a few examples). Big changes can have a big impact on your mental and physical health. Acknowledging this reality sets you up to cope with them better.

2. Prepare As Much As Possible

Of course, there are instances when something major happens by surprise. However, in many cases, you’ll know the shift is coming. Case in point: empty nest syndrome. If your child is moving out to go to college or start their independent life in any way, begin by accepting it (see #1 above).

Then, get busy taking steps to ease the big transition. There are practical measures, of course, but the emotional work is just as important. Break the work down into manageable goals, establish helpful routines, and seriously consider connecting with a mental health professional to parse through the scope of this transition (see below).

3. Do Not Withdraw

In times of high anxiety and massive shifts, you will be tempted to choose social isolation. It may feel like no one understands you and you’re just too overwhelmed to connect with others. On the contrary, times like these are precisely why you build a trusted support system in the first place. Stay in close contact with anyone who makes you feel heard and validated.

4. Practice Self-Care

The physical and psychological toll of a big life transition can be immense. Embracing daily self-care tactics will fortify you against the storm while reminding you that you’re worth the effort. Some elements to consider include:

• Mindful meditation
• Daily exercise and physical movement (including yoga)
• Maintaining regular sleep patterns
• Making healthy choices when it comes to eating and drinking
• Breathing exercises
• Journaling
• Expressing yourself via creative activities

5. Choose Positivity

Just as when you scroll on your devices, you have the option of choosing positive or negative at all times. Sure, the big change you’re undergoing may have some less-than-ideal components. If so, do what you need to do to address them. At the same time, take active steps to avoid fixating on worst-case scenarios and black-and-white thinking. Even in hardship, positive experiences and lessons emerge. Diligently look for them.

You Don’t Have to Go It Alone

When staring at a major life transition, you definitely have options. Therapy is a proven path when entering a new chapter of life. You’ll need a compassionate ear, new coping skills, and some clarity. In the safe space of a therapy room, you can find all of that and more. Your sessions can guide you to understand that change is inevitable but often out of your control. Where you can assume autonomy is in how you respond.

I’d love to talk with you about whatever life transitions you are facing. Let’s make time to connect soon. Reach out to learn more about life transitions counseling.

There are about 2 million marriages in the U.S. each year. At the same time, there are roughly 700,000 divorces in the U.S. each year. The divorce numbers relate to first marriages. Couples getting hitched for the second (or more) time face a substantially higher divorce rate. You may or may not be familiar with such numbers but there’s a statistic that may take you by surprise. About 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.

On top of that, 4 out of 10 men report feeling regret about getting divorced. For women, that number is only 27 percent. While the hardships and financial costs of getting divorced are usually far more challenging for women, they often see staying in an unhappy marriage as worse.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

How we are raised and socialize has a huge impact on how we see the world as adults. A big part of socialization is gender-based. Men, more often than women, will display lower emotional intelligence. It’s not that men can’t have plenty of emotional intelligence, they’re just now encouraged to cultivate this crucial attribute.

As a result, women are more likely to feel unsupported. The burden of emotional labor is dumped on them — along with child-rearing and domestic chores. At some point, all of this can add up to make divorce sound more palatable than the status quo.

A Few More Reasons Why Women Initiate Divorce More Frequently Than Men

Expectations

The blend of female socialization and higher emotional intelligence can create a scenario in which women enter into marriage with high expectations. As pop culture promises, it will “complete” them. Thus, when disappointment rears its ugly head in the form of unmet emotional needs, it’s only natural for women to do some reassessing.

Benefits

When you start a new job, it’s normal to ask about the benefits being offered. If the company doesn’t follow through, you’d be justified to feel let down. Well, statistically speaking, married men live longer and earn higher incomes. Married women do not usually reap such benefits. Combine this with the aforementioned unmet emotional needs and it helps explain why 7 out of 10 divorces are initiated by women.

Risks

Men commit far more violent crimes (including domestic abuse), consume more pornography, and are more likely to engage in infidelity. There’s more than can be added to that list but you probably get the idea. Life can be safer and more simple in a variety of ways for single women.

Friends

Almost one-fifth of American male adults have no close friendships. Meanwhile, women frequently have large social networks — including several close friends. This equates to having a strong support system in which they can discuss marital strife and weigh the pros and cons of divorce.

Children

Women are granted child custody in over 80 percent of divorces. In other words, they don’t need to view such a separation as shifting into loneliness and isolation. Divorced men, on the other hand, most often see a decline in their mental and physical well-being. Therefore, men less often make the first move when it comes to divorce.

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way

Yes, the above information sounds daunting. In no way, however, does this mean you can’t break the mold. Men and women can have fulfilling and egalitarian relationships but it requires self-awareness and commitment to doing the work. Rather than allowing society to design your blueprint, you can challenge your conditioning to learn new ways to live in the world.

If your marriage is not what you need it to be, let’s connect and talk. Life transitions counseling can be a giant step toward bringing out the best in each other.

It’s so common that it’s become an unfunny cliché. Most people make New Year’s resolutions and break them in a matter of weeks, days, or hours. In reality, this trend is nothing to laugh about. Everyone deserves a fresh start at times, and they deserve to know what it feels like to pursue a goal. This sense of purpose is one of the best things about being human.

Therefore, if we view resolutions as something not to take seriously, we miss out on a golden opportunity to challenge ourselves with an inspiring mission. Let’s break this cycle in 2024 and set an example for others. 

Why Don’t People Follow Through on Resolutions?

At least half of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by the end of January. For that matter, around a third of such promises are broken within two weeks. Why has this become the norm? Here are three common reasons:

• Accountability: Actually, it’s the lack of accountability that serves to sabotage the effort.
• Fear: It may not be clear at first, but you just may be afraid of the success you crave.
• Big Picture: You’re aiming to change behavior without first changing your mindset.

If there’s something you deeply want to accomplish, you’ll need to do some serious introspection to discover if you believe in yourself, feel you deserve to succeed, and can handle how others may respond to you elevating yourself. 

How To Set Realistic Resolutions

When you factor in the emotional work that needs to be done, you can probably appreciate the importance of momentum. You’ll want to break the cycle by witnessing yourself attaining some goals to get things started. Increase your odds of success by setting goals that are:

• Realistic and attainable
• Specific and time-specific
• Measurable
• Motivating

Let’s say your resolutions revolve around physical fitness. It’s self-defeating to list something like “getting healthier.” Ask yourself: What does that exactly mean to you? Is there a deadline? How will you gauge success vs. failure? Are you excited to get started? Questions like this can empower you to narrow down your resolutions into something sustainable.

Making Success Possible

Obviously, each person will have their own individual desires and dreams. For the sake of this post, let’s stick with “getting healthier.” To follow are a few basic suggestions for making this resolution all of the above: realistic, attainable, specific, time-specific, measurable, and motivating. For the first two weeks of the year:

• Get seven to eight hours of nightly sleep — getting to bed at the same time each night
• Starting each day with a full-body stretch
• Drinking eight glasses of water each day
• Each evening, prepare a healthy lunch for yourself the next day
• Find a form of exercise you enjoy and get started with it three times per week

On their own, these suggestions are helpful but not the be-all or end-all. However, they will integrate you into a mindset of health and well-being. As you accomplish these daily goals, you experience the joy of success and trust yourself more to upgrade the program. You can next add in elements like:

• Eliminate one food or drink that you know is unhealthy
• Increase the exercise to four times per week
• Commit to weekly grocery shopping and cooking at least four dinners a week at home

Do you recognize the concept here? You’re shifting your perspective as you change your habits. Of course, this is not just applicable to health-related resolutions. Use the above presentation as a blueprint to apply to whatever you aim to achieve. If you feel your perspective is not shifting, let’s connect and find ways to make it happen with anxiety, depression, or life transitions counseling.

It’s that time of year. Back to school may feel like a month away but for college students, it is right around the corner. This can be a time of excitement, new adventures, and so much personal growth. Simultaneously, the transition to college is nothing to take lightly — especially for those who are leaving home for the first time.

If going to college has you anxious, you are not alone. Nearly two-thirds of students in your position report feeling anxiety. Almost one-quarter of them seek professional care. This is serious business so please ask for help if you need it.

Some of the Challenges of Going to College

• Academic pressures: The comfort zone of high school is no longer present.
• Living up to parental expectations: Even the best-intentioned parents can provoke more anxiety than they realize.
• Financial issues: Have you seen the cost of college — and cost of living — lately?
• Feeling homesick: Independence sounds perfect… until it’s not.
• Making friends: Social anxiety can rear its ugly head.
• Dating: This is yet another situation that can sound more fun in theory than in practice

No matter how you slice it, this leads to pressure from all directions. Sure, this can help a young adult prepare for the rat race but is that what we’re really aiming to do? Instead, let’s offer some helpful advice.

First: Take Advantage of the Resources Available to You

Every college campus will make valuable mental health resources available to its students. You do not need to suffer in silence. Also, there is no need to wait. If you feel the transition starting to get to you, ask for help. The sooner you seek support, the less overwhelmed and anxious you’ll get. But, at the same time, there are self-help steps you can take to ease the anxiety.

3 More Tips For Making the Transition to College Easier

1. Prepare in Advance

Learn some basic but crucial life skills. You may or may not have done much housework, cooking, shopping, and laundry at home. So, give yourself a crash course. These chores can feel a lot less daunting with a little prep work.

While you’re at it, familiarize yourself with where you will be living. If possible, make some low-key visits to get a feel for the general vicinity. Learn the weather patterns so you can pack the right clothes. Buy your textbooks early. Inquire about what technology is available. Ask about tutoring options. Take these kinds of seemingly minor steps to avoid having things pile up as the pressure hits.

2. Create a Contact Plan With Friends and Family

Do not allow yourself to be left feeling isolated. This is not to say that you spend all your time video-chatting with Mom or your BFF. But you don’t have to cold turkey either. Ease into the process by scheduling regular chats and pep talks from the people who love you the most.

As you do this, you can also join the college’s Facebook page and begin connecting with potential new friends. Lay the groundwork for a smoother transition than you may be fearing.

3. Practice Self-Care

Create a daily regimen that will help you build resilience for those moments when you feel the walls closing in. Safeguard your sleep patterns. Make healthy eating choices. It’s okay to party — a little. Pace yourself. Be sure to get in exercise and physical activity each day. Develop a routine of stress management and relaxation techniques.

And remember: If you feel better seeking help off-campus, therapy is a powerful option. Let’s talk. I’m here to help you make this exciting transition as positive as possible!