Signs of Anger Issues in Men

Before we dive into this topic, let’s make a clarification or two. Anger, depending on the context, is not automatically a bad thing. However, based on our current societal structure, anger is far too often expressed destructively. Secondly, it’s not only men who show extreme anger. But, once again, our collective culture plays a role. Men are far more expected to wield anger as proof of their masculinity. All of this adds up to a strong need for what we call “anger management.”

Despite the fact that anger is a hard-wired form of survival, it has evolved into a threat of its own. If you or a man you know is struggling with a violent temper, there are productive steps that can and should be taken.

How Can Anger Be Healthy?

When in balance, anger protects us and gives us a sense of taking control of situations that require focus and assertiveness. For example, it can inspire you to stand up for what feels right in the face of injustice. When we process and express anger productively, we become motivated to take positive steps.

Unfortunately, anger can also lead us to become impulsive. We act without thinking, which usually escalates a situation into provoking even more anger. Since men are discouraged from being touchy-feely yet encouraged to be “warriors,” this is often how they can develop some very anti-social tendencies.

Signs of Anger Issues in Men

Watch the People in His Life

Are people comfortable around him, especially when he has some kind of power over them? Closely peruse the body language of the people in this man’s life to discern if they’re walking on eggshells and mostly just trying to keep the peace.

His History

It’s notorious that men tend to have smaller social circles than women. But what if the man in question has ten times as many ex-friends and ex-partners as current companions? If a man has anger issues, he typically also has tales to tell about all the people who have wronged him over the years.

Covert Anger

Besides the above observational work, you’ll want to look closely at signs that aren’t loud or directly aggressive. For example:

• Being overtly rude but passing it off as a “joke” so they can accuse you of being “too sensitive”
• Procrastinating in a way that hurts others but not them
• Eye rolling and other facial expressions
• Body language that is mocking and/or threatening
• Silent treatment
• Criticizing you to others under the guise of being worried about you
• Backhanded compliments
• Promising some kind of support but not following through
• Playing the role of victim
• Withholding affection
• Gaslighting
• Sarcasm
• Stonewalling
• Defensiveness

Anger Turned Inward

Another covert option for a rage-filled man is to aim the anger inward. Instead of making a scene with outward expressions of emotions, they opt to punish themselves. They self-sabotage through self-criticism, pushing away people who are good for them, being a perfectionist, ruminating, playing the victim, and conveniently “missing” good opportunities when they arise.

Do You or Someone You Know Need Anger Management?

No one is asking you to be an armchair therapist. People’s behaviors can be confusing, and it’s not your job to analyze them. That said, if a man you love is struggling with any of the manifestations of anger mentioned above, you want to help. However, can you do so without ending up on the receiving end of more anger?

If this has you nodding your head in frustration, we should talk — soon. With guidance from a men’s therapist, you can help the men in your life get the support and help they need and deserve.