Signs of Relationship Burnout and How to Avoid It

We hear the term “burnout” applied to a wide range of life experiences. After all, most people have a tendency to overdo things or allow positive situations to devolve into stressful scenarios.  An excellent case in point is relationship burnout. Something inherently meant to bring companionship, joy, and understanding can wear us out if we don’t tend to the needs of everyone involved.

Stress between two partners may be directly or indirectly to their relationship. Either way, such stress can result in feelings of being overwhelmed. From there, unhealthy coping mechanisms arise, and you’re on the road to burnout. How does this happen, and what can we do to avoid it?

What Causes Relationship Burnout?

Obviously, each couple has its own variables and factors. Even so, many common threads exist. For example:

• One partner may feel they’re doing all the emotional and/or physical labor
• Frequent fights, disagreements, and arguments
• General dissatisfaction
• Inactive sex life
• Codependency
• Feeling undervalued and invalidated
• Financial stress
• Growing emotional distance
• Illness, injury, or disability
• No longer feeling attraction

Signs of Relationship Burnout

• Disconnection: This can grow out of some of the causes on the list above, e.g., fighting, distance, lack of intimacy, and more.
• Spending Less Time Together: Even when you’re home together, you’re more likely staring at screen instead of interacting with your spouse. Of course, this includes a dwindling sex life.
• You Rarely Laugh: A big part of a happy relationship is joy.
• You Often Criticize: Of course, this can go both ways.
• Both of You Lack the Energy to Put in Any Effort: Relationship burnout is exhausting.
• You Actively Fantasize About Leaving: On top of that, you might be daydreaming about (or secretly texting) someone else.

How to Avoid Relationship Burnout

Identify and Talk About Your Triggers

Don’t leave this to chance. You may be compatible, but everyone has different triggers. When you learn to recognize what causes this type of stress, you can take steps to preempt those situations. As a result, you decrease pressure, conflict, and anxiety in your lives.

Identify and Talk About Your Needs

As with your triggers, this is a topic for open, ongoing conversations. Don’t try to read minds. Set aside time to clarify what you value and identify the steps you can collectively take to make it happen. Also, stay aware of the reality that everyone’s needs can evolve and change over time.

Schedule Time Together

Sure, there was probably a time when this was not necessary, but life changes. Thus, be proactive but make plans to have fun together (including sex). Speaking of sex, find ways to express intimacy that are not overtly sexual. Make touch, eye contact, love notes, and more a regular feature of your lives.

Practice Self-Care

If you’re stressed and exhausted, prioritize daily self-care. This has a dual purpose. You fortify yourself for life’s ups and downs while addressing the physical symptoms of relationship burnout. P.S. Part of self-care is taking some solo time to refresh and recharge.

Start a Gratitude Practice

When burnout creeps into your relationship, you can neglect what’s going right. Pledge together to keep a gratitude journal (or jar) to highlight and appreciate all those moments — big or small—that bring positivity and connection into your day. In times of struggle, refer to such lists to remind yourselves of what you have.

Get Curious

You may believe that you know what you there is know about each other. This is never true. Each person is complex and ever-changing. In times of relationship stress, look for the lessons.

And remember that you don’t have to have all the answers. That’s what couples therapy is for!