What Are the 5 Stages Of Grief?

Grief is unavoidable. On some level, in some way, each of us will experience this emotion. Because society, in general, doesn’t talk openly about loss and bereavement, most of us will be unprepared for what happens next. Those who do attempt to be better prepared will likely encounter something about the five stages of grief.

At first glance, this concept offers some solace. It seems to suggest that grief will move along a linear path from shock to resolution. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Don’t see the five stages of grief as a road map. Rather, it’s a list of places you’ll probably visit along the way — often, more than once.

The 5 Stages of Grief

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

This list might serve us better if not presented in numbered stages. Viewing the concepts on the list as a progression sets you up to have some unrealistic expectations. In your experience with grief, if  bargaining doesn’t exactly follow anger, you may panic. You may even wonder if there’s something wrong with you.

Instead, think of the list as a way to feel less alone. Mourning will likely knock you for a loop. But it can provide comfort to know that virtually everyone can relate.

Are These the Only “Stages”?

It depends on who you ask. The original list has been edited by some to include experiences like guilt, hope, shock, and reconstruction. If you’ve endured grief, you probably can add a few of your own. So, once again, the self-loving choice is to view any such list as a way of connecting to the collective experience of loss.

What Else Should a Grieving Person Know?

The answer to this question is subjective and perhaps infinite. However, below you will find some universally worthwhile factors to consider.

• Whether you monitor stages or not, any bereaved person can be re-triggered into full grief. It could happen near a holiday or birthday. It could be the sound of a stranger’s voice that triggers you. This is inevitable but typically eases with time.
• Everyone grieves differently so don’t get hung up on doing it a certain way. That said, unresolved grief can become complicated so it’s wise to talk with a professional if you’re not feeling any positive shifts.
• Grief can make you feel misunderstood and alone. Resist the urge to withdraw in times like this. Your support system is essential.
• People with good intentions may say some awkward things to you. They mean well, but telling you to be strong or that your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad isn’t helpful. Be as patient with them as you can, and if you know the person well, let them know what you need so they don’t stumble into cliches.
• Never downplay grief. It is a daunting and intimidating experience that requires your full attention and respect. Do not push down your emotions. Feel what you need to feel.

If Stages Are Not Linear, What Should I Do?

For starters, use the stages as markers. As you drift from emotion to emotion, take heart that you’re going through something that unites all of humanity from the beginning of time. You’ll be confused, angry, lonely, numb, and so much more. Through it all, remember some key choices:

• Stay connected to the people you love and trust.
• Support groups can be a powerfully positive option.
• Ask for professional help if it all feels like too much.

Sure, you’ll need some time to yourself. But in a season of mourning, isolation is not your friend. Rather than risk sliding into complicated grief, I invite you to schedule a free and confidential consultation for grief therapy. Let’s connect soon.